Do you like me?

For many complicated reasons, I grew up thinking that it was bad if someone didn't like me. This inevitably led to many years of feeling too unsafe to be myself unless someone first showed me a bit of acceptance. The result was that I was very quiet and didn't want to draw attention to myself so I often probably came across as if I had no personality. I don't remember if I ever went out of my way to make sure that everyone liked me, but I couldn't understand it if I found out that someone didn't like me – after all, if you don't make waves, how can anyone disapprove of you? Still, people found reasons not to like me because I did well in school, or because guys liked me (who knows why), or maybe because I was so darn good at playing the recorder (this is true.) Wanting everyone to like you is a terrible burden.

I'm slowly learning that people don't like you for their own reasons, most commonly because they want to be more like you and it's annoying to want to be like someone else. It's also a fact of life that not all people are compatible. Some people just drive you crazy. And some people don't like you because they make assumptions about who you are and don't actually take the time to find out the truth.

Dan had the same trouble when he was younger and he's taught me to go through a simple thought process when others make comments or judgments about who I am: I ask myself "Does what this person have to say match what I know to be true about myself? Do I trust this person or do I even care what they think based on what I know of them?"

So the reason for my post today is because I'm having trouble getting through a situation with a person for whom I've answered no to the above questions. A couple of posts ago I wrote about a co-worker who had made a condescending remark to me in an email. The actual situation has been addressed with a resolution still pending, however I'm finding it tough to work with someone who thinks that I'm careless or disorganized (insert willy-nilly) or just incompetent. I find myself wondering every time I write down a number or send in paperwork whether I'm giving this person more reason to think that I should be working at McDonalds. It's very uncomfortable. It's unpleasant to feel like one person's actions can overrule whatever anyone else thinks. That's all.